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So far Anastasia Pryanikova has created 130 blog entries.

Top Reasons for Facebook Unfriending

What happens when Facebook friendships end?  This question prompted Christopher Sibona, a PhD student in the Computer Science and Information Systems program at the University of Colorado Denver Business School, to do a study on the Facebook unfriending practices.  ScienceDaily reports:

After surveying more than 1,500 Facebook users on Twitter, Sibona found the number-one reason for unfriending is frequent, unimportant posts.

“The 100th post about your favorite band is no longer interesting,” he said.

The second reason was posting about polarizing topics like religion and politics.

“They say not to talk about religion or politics at office parties and the same thing is true online,” he said.

Inappropriate posts, such as crude or racist comments, were the third reason for being unfriended.

The study showed 57 percent of those surveyed unfriended for online reasons, while 26.9 percent did so for offline behavior.

Sibona also cited a 2010 survey showing that 54.6 percent of recruiters used the site to find or investigate job candidates, suggesting that the same reasons may turn the recruiters away.

By | 2010-10-06T15:00:49+00:00 October 6th, 2010|Communication|0 Comments
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On cyberbullying and online disinhibition

The Internet is a bunch of interconnected computer networks, senseless and indifferent to the types of messages they transmit.  It is capable of spreading love as quickly as it spreads hate.  It doesn’t blame and it doesn’t absolve.  It provides, however, fruitful ground for social experimentation, often fueled by our hard-wired desire for status, social approval and authority.  The recent tragic death of 18-year-old Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi shows the dark side of such social experimentation.

We might as well have a sign pop up on our screens every time we load a browser, “Leave your inhibitions at the click of a mouse.”  Psyhologists have a name for it – the “online disinhibition effect.”  In its negative expression, it may go as follows:

“I feel important when many eyes follow, read, and watch.  If I can get your attention, it must mean, I am worthy of your attention, so you will acknowledge me.  I prefer to be invisible, though, because that way, if things go wrong, I won’t lose my face…because you won’t see my face.  Every act needs an audience, and I know you are there somewhere.  I can’t see your reactions, but I can conjure them up in my mind.  That makes me bold and even reckless, and I like it. Nobody would describe me as bold or reckless in my real life.  What’s real, anyways?  I’ll role-play a little.  I’ll be a villain.  Villains are powerful, and I want power.  I want to dominate and control.  I hope you like my show, and if you don’t, chances are I will never know because you won’t have the time or feel the need to tell me.  You may say, “That’s just awful,” or “I am confused,” or “Somebody must have already reported this stuff,” and click away.  I can handle that.  Now, I just need a victim because “How can I be a villain without a victim?”  All of cyberspace is a stage, after all.  Why should I feel responsible for what happens online?  Watch my avatar in action.”

Fortunately, the “disinhibition effect” is no defense to malice, hate, or stupidity online.  We, human beings, are given a wonderful gift of awareness and consciousness that we might as well use to rewrite the discourse above and make social networking a safer and more empowering experience for all of us.  The safety of our social networks is everybody’s responsibility.  Perhaps, a better approach would be…

“I feel my connection to the larger world out there when many eyes follow, read and watch.  I will work hard to share my best with you because your attention is a precious gift that I honor and will never take lightly.  Although you cannot see me right now, you will know my name and I will carry responsibility for everything and anything that I choose to share with you.  I promise to treat you with integrity and respect that you deserve.  I speak to all as I would speak to every single one of you face-to-face.  It is my choice to use the Internet to nurture relationships and collaboration.  I will take time to state my intentions clearly, to communicate in a sensitive and respectful way and to avoid unnecessary conflict and hurt feelings.  I will speak my mind and encourage you to do the same. I will listen and acknowledge your opinions even if I may disagree with you.  I will be fair.  I will intervene when I see an injustice.  Perhaps, together we can make this social network a welcoming place.”

How can we make our social networks safer and better for everybody?

P.S.  For a positive example of what social networks can do to counteract bullying,  visit the It Gets Better project on YouTube, created to show the LGBT teen victims of bullying that “it gets better” through personal stories.

By | 2010-10-04T14:34:30+00:00 October 4th, 2010|Change, Communication|0 Comments
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How NOT to talk about money

Golden Nest EggThis happened years ago when I was still practicing law, but the episode is etched in my memory, perhaps, because it stirred many emotions and emotions make memories stronger. A middle-aged couple walked into my office to talk about a loan they were considering. There was nothing unusual about them or the beginning of our conversation. We made introductions, exchanged a few niceties, then, it was time to explain the terms and conditions of the loan. The man had some questions, which I began to answer, when he suddenly stopped me and pointing towards his wife, said, “Could you please talk to her? I have cancer. She has never had to deal with finances. She needs to know…”

Writing about this conversation still makes me sad because, unfortunately, I know, there are many couples out there who don’t talk about money in a way that empowers them to plan for the future. The way we talk about money often involves too much blame, stress and confusion. These are difficult conversations that need to happen but don’t. The tragedy of this silence often becomes evident when it’s too late.

To change how we talk about money is to work against the wiring of our brains. Our brains can easily filter out the subject matter we don’t enjoy. We don’t invest a lot of mental energy into things that we don’t want to think about. The short-term rewards are much more exciting to the brain than long-term projections. Tangible things are more likely to grab our attention than abstractions. A new 3D TV or a pair of shoes can captivate the brain in a way that no 401K ever could.

Second, the brains prefer status quo, the familiar patterns of behavior. We may have inherited these patterns from our families or developed our own ways of dealing with money, which the brain turned into habits overtime. The point is we all have money stories already in our subconscious mind that drive our behavior and choices although we may not always realize it.

Finally, difficult discussions are stressful and often unpleasant, and the brain is wired to maximize pleasure and avoid pain. Our status and the sense of fairness are often challenged in money conversations. The brain has evolved to be sensitive to status and fairness as indicators of our position in society. No wonder, we avoid difficult conversations altogether.

As a young lawyer, I learned a lesson from that episode. Whenever I talked to my clients, I reminded myself to make an eye contact and talk with all the parties, not just the most active ones with most questions. I began thinking of myself not only as an adviser but also an educator. As trusted advisers, we get the opportunity to probe, influence, engage, and maybe, initiate a conversation that would not have happened otherwise. We can’t waste such opportunity.

For my own good, I also made it a habit to ask myself the question, “What conversations am I avoiding?” Facing the truth is the first step to making a change. And to make the money concept more concrete and exciting to my brain, I keep a picture of Louboutins on my desktop as a symbol of rewards to come…shallow, I know, but whatever works…we are dealing with the mammalian brain here.

What else can we do to rewire our brains for more effective money conversations?  How do you handle money talk?

By | 2010-09-29T18:59:38+00:00 September 29th, 2010|Brain, Change, Communication|0 Comments
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